Julie Andrews knows best...

Oh dear me..where to start? I've been trying to get a handle on where to begin this series of posts for a couple of weeks now and nothing really ever grabbed me as being quite right when it came to getting rolling on writing about my recent and wonderful two weeks in the Pacific Northwest. Then this afternoon, as I was lolling on my sofa grabbing an hour or so for myself between fitting new toilet seats and stuffing Michael Buble down my bra in the supermarket, the ever-inspiring Sound of Music came onto the TV and there in a flash was Julie Andrews telling me just what I should do.

No, I haven't decided to start with the Lonely Goat Herd that I may or not have come across on my travels across the wilds of Oregon (ye-e-oddle-ey-hee-oddle-ey-hee ho)  and I didn't feel the need to Climb Every Mountain between Salem and Bend so no tales to tell there (although I clearly could have jogged up each of them had the mood had taken me). I'm not even going to 'start at the very beginning'..though according to Miss Andrews and the young children in her care, that's a VERY good place to start. Nope..I've decided to start with my 'Favourite Things' - there will be no stories of door bells, sleigh bells and schnitzel with noodles (although Jeff did wonder why I never used HIS doorbell when I had forgotten my key and wanted to gain entry to the Burhans compound..thing is though that he hid it REALLY well and I never did find it!) and not so much about raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens (although I have a great pic of raindrops on tulips). There will be more Cascades than Alps, more Seattle than Salzburg and slightly more Sgt Burhans than Captain von Trapp..but the general idea will be the same.

Just as Maria and the children used their favourite things to make things all seem a little bit better while it was thundering and lightning in a rather demented and clearly frightening fashion, there were moments in my trip that I have tucked away safely in my mind, to be recalled and smiled about when things occasionally get a bit tough. These are the most special and treasured times of my trip and it is with these that I shall start my travelogue, before going back to the very beginning and being a little more chronological and detailed in my story telling. Now...to try and remember all of those favourite things...hrms...

(See..he hid the doorbell intentionally behind a large tree, just to try to confuse me...)

Raindrops on tulips.....

Springtime colours in Salem...

A few photos from our walk through Riverfront Park in Salem..

Back home..

I was last in Oregon six years ago and it has always been one of two places in America that I've actually missed and yearned to see again (Mount Rainier in WA is the other and we will be going there in the next few days). As I drove across the state line from California yesterday, I therefore expected to feel a little excited but I wasn't prepared for the over-whelming feeling that I'd actually come back where I belong. I have a really strong affinity with America as a whole but Oregon firmly wedged itself under my skin the first time I was here and just reached a place in my soul that makes me feel a little more relaxed and at peace..as though I've found something rather than am rushing round looking for something. I don't know what it is about Oregon but I guess it's a combination of lots of different factors that just make this feel like 'my place' on the earth. The mountains, the forests, the skyscapes, the raging rivers and the feeling that nothing could ever really be too wrong with the world when you're surrounded by such natural beauty. Two of the people I care most about in the world too are here and that surely helps. My friend Flip is here and he has been the main 'constant' in my life through all of the trauma and change of the past six years. Sometimes he has just listened to me talk and put his metaphorical arms round me from all the way across a continent and an ocean but at others he told me to get a grip and just begin to be happy again...aka stop feeling sorry for myself and do something to make my life better. Mostly though, he has never let me down,  not in the six years that we've been friends. Who would have thought that an emergency visit to a dentist in the Oregon Cascades would have led to one of the most special friendships I have ever had?  More recently of course, there is another very special man who also makes Oregon even more of a wonderful place for me. As most of you know, words are never enough for me to describe what he means to me and what a difference he makes to my life so I won't even try. All I'll say is that being here in his house surrounded by all of the things that are so special to him and being taken care of so wonderfully by him just makes me even more in awe of the amazing man he is. Things in Oregon are not too shabby for Diane at the moment :)

Here are some pice of Mount Shasta, taken on our drive up through Northern CA yesterday:

Echoes of my mum...

I remember the morning I lost my mum as though it were yesterday. I had sat and held her hand in the hospital all night and had watched her slip further and further away from me in a confused and pain-ridden state that was just heart breaking and so very distressing to watch. Eventually though, she became peaceful and I climbed onto the bed with her and lay next to her with my head on her chest, feeling peace and calm wash through both of us. It therefore seemed a perfectly natural progression when her heart started gradually beating slower and slower to the point where the final beat, when it came, was neither a shock nor distressing. I just closed my eyes a little tighter, snuggled in just a little closer and took a few of the deepest breaths that I think I have ever taken. That is where I stayed until I felt ready to stand up and face my new world. My altered world. A world in which something inside me had switched off. Just like that. I had climbed onto that bed the daughter of a mother. A daughter who could not even contemplate life without the constant love and guidance of the woman who had given me my life. A daughter terrified by the new reality that was clearly now just a matter of an hour or so ahead of me. I stood up a  completely different person. I'm not sure what had changed but I was different. I felt alone in a way that I had never felt before but strangely I didn't feel the overwhelming grief that I had feared for so very long. I do recall later that evening sitting in my lounge in a daze and then hearing somebody, somewhere in the distance starting to scream. It took me at least a minute to realise that it was me. I remember very vividly what had frightened me so much though..I suddenly became afraid that without my mum I would forget how to be a mother to my own young children. I had learnt everything I knew from her and I was terrified that without her input and guidance I just wouldn't know how to be a mum anymore. I eventually calmed down and went to bed, just totally exhausted. For the first time in months I didn't lie there thinking of my mum afraid and in pain and I knew that the phone wouldn't ring in the night with some terrible news. For the second time that day, peace swept through my body and I slept.

The years since have been ones of quiet acceptance for all that was lost that day. They have not been years filled by a crushing grief and despair but by what can best be described as numbness, interrupted by periods of calm sadness. There has been a perpetual feeling of something missing though. Something has been out of balance inside me and I haven't been able to put it into words. It is a feeling. Not a collection of words that can either be written or spoken. Then last night something happened that blew the mist clean out of my mind and the answer to the question of what I have missed so very much flooded into my heart and soul like a tidal wave. In my rush to answer a phone call, I tripped over a cable and ended up thumping my head into the wall of my lounge. It was a hard knock and I immediatley began to feel dizzy and nauseous. I was on the laptop talking to a dear friend, who is the mom of another of my good friends. As soon as I told her what had happened she took complete control and I could feel her fear and worry in every word she typed to me. She was tired but she kept me talking until we could work out what was happening with me and it was her who made me stay awake and made me agree to go to the hospital. She then said that she would stay up until she heard that I was ok, no matter how late it was. I have so many wonderful friends who would have done just the same thing for me, with no hesitation, but this was different. This was the worry and concern of a mother. Ok, so not my mother but a lady who has felt like a mum to me for a while now. I was in pain and frightened and for the first time since I lost my mum I felt the protective arms of a mother around me, worrying about me and making me know that everything would be alright if I just listened to her and did as she said. It was then that I realised what I have missed and so quietly and inwardly grieved for all of these years. My place in the hierarchy of care-giving had in an instant changed forever as I stood up from that bed and faced my new life. Suddenly I was still the mother figure giving care and love to my own children but the person who had given the same care and love to me had gone. No wonder we mothers feel so empty and alone when we lose our own mothers...we carry on nurturing and protecting our children, trying to also plug the gaping hole left in their lives by the loss of their beloved grandma, at the same time that our own source of unconditional love and our own support system is pulled from under our feet. This evening, I have felt able to open up and talk about my mum and losing her for almost the first time since I lost her. Tonight I allowed tears to flow freely for the first time too and, although my adopted momma is half a world away, she listened to me and wiped away each and every tear as it fell. After all, isn't that what mums do?

For my mum...I read this at her funeral and think of her whenever I hear it...

Thelma and Louise (and their offspring!) hit the USA....

Last summer I took Scott over to America for his 21st birthday and my closest friend Manuela and her daughter Natalie came with us. We had a truly awesome time and created a whole load of memories for all of us. Manuela and I MOSTLY behaved ourselves but I'm quite sure that we wouldn't have done had Scott and Natty not been with us :)

(The audio is pretty weak on this due to some innovative upload techniques!)

Our trips across the pond...

One of the things that we wanted most for Scott and Lara was for them to see some of the world and to broaden their horizons while they were still children. We felt like this was one of the best ways for them to learn the lessons that we felt were vital if they were to become the well-rounded, tolerant, broad-minded and adventurous adults that we so much hoped they would one day grow into. So, with this in mind, we saved every bit of money that we could possibly afford to and set off with them for some great adventures. They have travelled a lot in Europe too but I wanted to first share the America holidays that we took them on when they were younger. Neither we nor they will ever forget taking them by the hand with their eyes closed from the parking lot to the edge of the Grand Canyon and hearing them gasp when they saw the beauty in front of them for the first time. The first time that they saw the Pacific ocean or stood at the botton of Yosemite Valley and looked up at the wonders above them will also stay with us all forever. These pictures tell the story of many of the things that they have seen and done, including the honour of having stood on top of the World Trade Centre, but they cannot show the lasting benefits that we are sure that these holidays have had on them. Both Scott and Lara have a huge hunger to travel and see as much of the world as possible and they have already started to spread their wings. Lara backpacked in Australia at the age of 18 and had her first holiday alone with friends in the Canary Islands when she was just 17. Scott went to Turkey with friends at 18 and is right at this moment in Prague for the weekend with his girlfriend. Both would love to see more of America and I brought Scott over last summer for an east coast trip for his 21st birthday present. Lara is coming with me to Oregon in March.

I originally added music to this video that reminds us all of the trips but I'm afraid youtube didn't like my copyright violations! I could have screamed as it took me hours to get the songs all lined up and I almost posted it without music but, remembering how Youtube liked Jeff's Jolly Holiday music, I decided to go with some other songs from Mary Poppins, my favourite Disney movie.

The original songs were:

Disney - It's a small World
NYC - New York, New York
Arizona - Goodbe Earl (Dixie Chicks) - we bought the CD over there and all sang this song like demented things on our road trips.
California  - Whenever, Wherever (Shakira) - reason as above
California, Oregon, Washington - Fields of Gold (Eva Cassidy) - again, as above.

Enjoy!

Penguins, a squirrel, some sheep and Bert and Mary. Perfect. Well...practically :)

Mel and I started making this response to Jeff's video even before he'd finished HIS...I just wanted to show him my side of the trip and Mel was an angel (as always) in putting it together. We were initially only going to include the bit where Mary sings to Bert but we got a little carried away and went for most of the song! It made Jeff smile when he first saw it and, although it was initially only going to be for him to see, he persuaded me to post it here too.

Oh and Bert..we included some sheep just for you :)