Welcome back, Shirley Valentine...

Recently, I have had some very enjoyable conversations with a dear new friend about our favourite movies, particularly those that remind us in some way of experiences and feelings that we have had throughout our lives. In spite of the fact that we come from quite different worlds and from different generations, we have found that we have many things in common. Some of these are similarities in our life stories, and some of them are in our outlooks and in hopes and dreams that we have found that we have shared during various times in our lives. Possibly because of this, we have found that we have quite similar tastes in movies and have recommended a few of our favourites to each other.

A few days ago, I mentioned a film that is, or rather used to be, very personal to me and almost painful for me to watch. I first watched it at a time when my children were pretty young and when I very occasionally felt as though I was practically suffocating in my life. I loved being a mum and being there for my children but there was this little voice inside me, which sometimes managed to shout loud enough for me not to be able to pretend I couldn't hear it. It always said the same thing too. Three short words..."What about me?" I remember watching the movie at various times over the years and the sadness that enveloped me seemed to get worse everytime. I had to watch it whenever it was on TV though because when I watched it I didn't feel quite so alone. Quite so silly. Quite so much as if I were the only person who had ever felt like this. It described me and the way that I felt as though the vibrant, happy, sassy and confident young girl I had once been had somehow, over the years, been replaced by somebody else. Somebody else that neither I or my husband seemed to like very much. It hurt and I couldn't see any way out.

As this is the next movie that my friend is going to watch on my recommendation, I watched it again mysef this evening. This time though, I felt like I were watching it as a more distant observer...watching it show the way that I used to feel in some distant, darker time.

The movie is about Shirley Valentine, a woman who feels just the same that I used to and who took the brave step to try and escape from the life that was slowly drowning her. I used to watch it from the perspective of being stuck right in the middle of the movie..watching Shirley begin to find her wings again and start to fly and knowing that I could never be that brave. Then this evening, I watched the movie for the first time from a new perspective, which caught me completely unaware. This time, the sadness had gone. I didn't feel like I was stuck in Shirley's old life wishing I too could 'find myself' again but I was suddenly on the other side of the tunnel. I don't know when the change took place. I don't know when I stopped feeling like I was wasting the hope and potential that I remembered feeling back in my early twenties. I don't know when I became 'me' again. I don't know how I became 'me' again. But I'm so pleased to be back.

"What happened to Shirley Valentine? She got married to a boy called Joe and even though her name was turned to Bradshaw, she was still Shirley Valentine for a while. She knew who she was...but somewhere along the way, the boy called Joe turned into *Him*...and Shirley Valentine...turned into...this. And what I can't remember is the day, the week or the month when it happened. When it stopped being good...when Shirley Valentine disappeared and became just another name on the missing persons list."

"I've led such a little life..and even that will be over pretty soon. I have allowed myself to live this little life when inside me there is so much more. And it's all gone unused and now it never will be. Why do we get all this life if we don't ever use it? Why do we get all these feelings and dreams and hopes if we don't ever use them. That's where Shlrley Valentine disappeared to ...she got lost in all this unused life"

"I used to be the mother. I used to be the wife. Now I'm Shirley Valentine again,"